This is probably the end, right?
OK, if you know me at all you may not buy this, but for everyone else, this blog post is really a Public Service Announcement (PSA). Really. I derived no specific personal pleasure or glee from the activities described herein. That being said, we are food-blogging and cooking professionals and advise that you don’t try the following at home.
I read (maybe it was a late night TV Commercial) that Jack in the Box, the almost national burger chain with breakfast all day, was marketing a bacon shake as part of their loving bacon (Why don’t You Marry It!) marketing campaign. We could not believe anyone would be so horrid & so depraved and were compelled by dark caloric forces to explore the rumor, if for no other reason than to spare our readers a similar fate. Of course it is only a coincidence that SK Chef was out of town and unable to veto this blog post. : )
Before you say it, I strongly resent that anyone would accuse us (me) of wanting to taste such a concoction. I may drive all over the place in search of ridiculous dishes but in this instance, I am acting as a caring blogger concerned for my audience’s welfare. Really!
OK, let’s leave it at this, just because I am willing to sacrifice myself (and my unknowing friends) so that the general public doesn’t have to drink deeply from this strange taste combination that Jack is pushing from his box, doesn’t mean I am experiencing any pleasure from the act. To me, it is just culinary civic mindedness to save you, the reader, from being sucked into the dying act of an unhealthy culinary trend. That is my story and I’m sticking to it but we can agree to disagree so that I can get back to the story.
So to begin the sampling, we slipped out of our Chef’s Coat, donned a disguise, spurned the drive-thru and since the SmartKitchen-Mobile carries distinctive “Smart Kitchen” signage, parked far across the parking lot . Unobserved, we executed a circuitous, calorie-consuming infiltration of the fast food den. We got our shake “to go,” inserted it into a brown paper bag and reversed our path to exfiltrate the house of fried calories.
Wisely, we had thought ahead and Organized, the 1st of Smart Kitchen’s 4 Levers of Cooking,™ our live sampling to account for the staggering number of calories and fat grams per ounce in something that is both a fast food milkshake and a bacon. We got a bit Tom Sawyer and disguised the rationale for the small focus group as a mid-afternoon “Gift” to our friends at the local coffee shop.
In return for the gift, we orchestrated a 3/4 reduction in the 773 calories (before Whip Cream & Cherry) of the Bacon Shake. Even with some protein (12 g) and a healthy dose of Sodium (319 mg), Nutrition is Not the Strong Suit of a 40 Fat Gram Bacon Milk Shake (only 28 g are saturated fat).
12 Grams of Protein and Loads of Sodium, Not Bad! (Not!)
In addition to calorie reduction, we also sourced “data points” on the shake as we now had 4 people who all complained, self righteously, about the decadence and depravity of such a shake, before tucking into a 1/4 sized portion.
A Healthy (er) Portion Cup of Bacon Milk Shake
The results were shameful. I should have known it, even with my good intentions, when entering upon such a caloric enterprise. It pains me to discuss it, so I won’t; all I will say is that we were all properly indignant and in the end we did our duty. Within 2-3 minutes there wasn’t a drop of bacon flavored potion in any of the 4 sampling cups. Rest assured, none can fall into untrained hands.
Now, as I type off the 193.25 calories, my mind turns to how to make the shake healthier….for others. Ingredients like hormone-free Heavy Cream, organic vanilla ice cream, and lean Nueske‘s Applewood Smoked Bacon or even Benton’s no-preservatives, traditional cured and smoked bacon comes to mind. And I am just getting started. Can a Cinnamon Beurre Blanc Milkshake be far away? Oops, did I write that? mmm…….I mean hmmmmmm…..
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